Tag: Humor

Everything Else

Pope Approves Pig Latin Mass

A decidedly off-color story from Postcards (not for the impressionable or the anathema throwers). I laughed till it hurt, especially:

Pursuant to the pope’s decree, however, priests will no longer have to get permission from their bishops in order to say the mass in Pig Latin. What’s more, any folksongs sung at mass must be translated into Pig Latin, and any wishing of peace to one’s fellow mass goers must be rendered in Pig Latin also.

Not surprisingly many progressive Catholics greeted the pope’s decree with dismay.

—’Owinblay in the Indway,’— just doesn’t convey the same message as ‘Blowin’ in the Wind,’— said Father Bud, director of the Neumann Center at Millersville University in Pennsylvania.

What’s more, Jewish leaders complained that the inclusion of an Oodgay Idayfray prayer for the conversion of the Jews was —a slap in the face to Israel— and could lead to —serious military consequences— if it isn’t removed at once…

Probably more shades of truth here than in many MSM stories.

Everything Else,

Monks are funny

By the way, the monk having trouble is Ansgar, as in St. Ansgar. Just wondering if the producers had that in mind when they created this. It is in Danish I think.

I think the whole thing is great, but what stood out for me was when Ansgar held up the scroll and stated that books are more time consuming…

Current Events, Perspective, Poland - Polish - Polonia, Political, , ,

Miscellaneous political lunacy (NY Style)

Some things that have passed through my thoughts in the past month or so:

New York – Bastion of Stupid People

I guess our Legislators consider us to be so stupid that they have to put forward all kinds of weird legislation in order to protect us from ourselves. To wit from TechNewsWorld:

New York pedestrians could find themselves on the wrong side of the law just for crossing the street while chatting on a cell phone or listening to an iPod if state Senator Carl Kruger gets his way. The New York lawmaker plans to introduce legislation to make it illegal to use portable electronic devices such as a BlackBerry Get the Facts on BlackBerry Business Solutions or PlayStation Portable game console while crossing the street.

The legislation comes after the deaths of two pedestrians in Sen. Kruger’s Brooklyn district within the past five months. “iPod oblivion,” the lawmaker said, has become a term used nationwide to describe the state of compromised awareness that is a result of the huge popularity of electronic devices among users of all ages.

“You can’t be fully aware of your surrounding if you’re fiddling with a BlackBerry, dialing a phone number, playing Super Mario Brothers on a Game Boy or listening to music on an iPod,” Sen. Kruger claimed.

“This is an avoidable tragedy,” Sen. Kruger added. “If you’re so involved in your electronic device that you can’t see or hear a car coming, this is indicative of a larger problem that requires some sort of enforcement beyond the application of common sense.”

Here’s the Bill he submitted. It applies to persons in cities with a population of one million or more.

Funny thing is that there’s only one city of more than one million persons in New York, and that is New York City. The rest of the state is so economically dead that anyone who can leave does. At least they’ll get hit by a bus while listening to their iPod in warmer climes, while holding down a good paying job, and paying little if anything in taxes.

As to other moments of legislative brilliance:

I’ve already commented on Law and attempted Laws to ban trans fat and foie gras in this blog. We’re all ignorant of educational efforts promoting good eating and better health. As such good health has to be forced on us. I can’t wait for the next government hiring initiative. A cop for every citizen. You will walk that treadmill, you will do it now!

On the heels of all that is inattentive driving legislation. Put down that coffee (then they get you for driving while drowsy), cigarette, sandwich, comb, or shaver.

What really amazes me is that our elected leaders wish to protect us from ourselves in every way possible but can’t muster the courage to protect the unborn (yes, New York is rushing headlong into funding embryonic stem cell research – which doesn’t work).

They can promote so called ‘gay’ marriage, but can’t reform a corrupt legislative process wherein all state laws are agreed to behind closed doors by an oligarchy of the Governor, Assembly Leader, and Senate Majority Leader.

The New York Sun carried an article on legislation being considered which would offer an apology for slavery, and reparations. See Albany Mulls an Apology for Slavery: Reparations Study Is Being Sought.

Oooooh white guilt. I get to pay because someone in New York once owned a slave.

Wasn’t me, my family, or really anyone I’ve met. I have no guilt over slavery. My people fought against slavery in Europe, Haiti, and the United States.

When someone talks to me about their guilt over treating Polish immigrant coal miners as slaves – in the 20th century, the nativist movement, their guilt for selling Poland to the Soviet Union, or their snickering at Polish jokes, then we’ll have something to discuss. I’d also like to see a formal apology from all the states where the Klan actively targeted (and still does target) Catholics with the necessary reparations being paid to various Catholic Churches.

And a technical question. If the citizens of New York are apologizing for slavery does that mean its African-American citizens are apologizing to themselves?

Of course to answer that question you would have to understand the whole concept of citizenship.

I think rather that the people who promote such drivel and no more than self-serving stooges. They’re the ones that the family had to place in politics in order to prevent their bringing the family fortune to ruination (aka George Bush I and II).

Then, of course, NY stupidity extends overseas

See: Settlers launch first drive in U.S. to sell homes from Haaretz. One of those Americans who actually went through and bought a home in Israel’s occupied territories is Dov Hikind. He bought a home in Shomron. As one commentator on a blog said, he should make aliyah now. I agree and that’s his right, especially if that is where his heart is.

Why stupid? Because Mr. Hikind is fermenting continued bloodshed over land Israel has no right to occupy (unless of course you’re a dispensationalist) and he’s doing so as an elected representative of the people of New York.

That’s right, Mr. Hikind is a New York State Assemblyman representing the 48th District. You know, sworn to serve this country and this state.

Oy, he could have had a nice place in the Catskills with no problem.

Current Events, Media, Political,

Dancing with the… political humor?

Ok, I don’t really watch much TV at all. I’ll watch the local news from time to time. Living in the state capital makes for some interesting news. That being said, my wife and I are big fans of American Idol and Dancing with the Stars.

I have my favorites and I cast my votes, but that’s not what this post is about.

Tonight, Dancing with the Stars host Tom Bergeron made a hilarious comment – and I caught the subtle message therein. He was doing the whole bit on making sure you vote for your favorites when he said (I’m paraphrasing):

With what’s going on in the world you feel as if your vote doesn’t count, as if no one’s listening? Well we listen to you, cast your vote.

The sad part is that he’s right. The majority of American want out troops home, and actually voted that way. But, let’s see, Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran next! Yep, I’d agree. Only Dancing with the Stars and American Idol listen. At least Edyta is still dancing and Melinda is still singing.

Current Events

Too funny not to mention

From the AP via the Albany Times Union: Swiss accidentally invade Liechtenstein

ZURICH, Switzerland — What began as a routine training exercise almost ended in an embarrassing diplomatic incident after a company of Swiss soldiers got lost at night and marched into neighboring Liechtenstein.

According to Swiss daily Blick, the 170 infantry soldiers wandered just over a mile across an unmarked border into the tiny principality early Thursday before realizing their mistake and turning back.

A spokesman for the Swiss army confirmed the story but said that there were unlikely to be any serious repercussions for the mistaken invasion.

“We’ve spoken to the authorities in Liechtenstein and it’s not a problem,” Daniel Reist told The Associated Press.

Officials in Liechtenstein also played down the incident.

Interior ministry spokesman Markus Amman said nobody in Liechtenstein had even noticed the soldiers, who were carrying assault rifles but no ammunition. “It’s not like they stormed over here with attack helicopters or something,” he said…

Will Grand Fenwick be next…

Current Events, Media, Perspective, Political

dem Bones

The hand of the Lord was upon me, and brought me forth in the spirit of the Lord: and set me down in the midst of a plain that was full of bones. And he led me about through them on every side: now they were very many upon the face of the plain, and they were exceeding dry. And he said to me: Son of man, dost thou think these bones shall live? And I answered: O Lord God, thou knowest. And he said to me: Prophesy concerning these bones; and say to them: Ye dry bones, hear the word of the Lord. Thus saith the Lord God to these bones: Behold, I will send spirit into you, and you shall live.

“Spirit”… That is, soul, life, and breath.

And I will lay sinews upon you, and will cause flesh to grow over you, and will cover you with skin: and I will give you spirit and you shall live, and you shall know that I am the Lord. And I prophesied as he had commanded me: and as I prophesied there was a noise, and behold a commotion: and the bones came together, each one to its joint. And I saw, and behold the sinews, and the flesh came up upon them: and the skin was stretched out over them, but there was no spirit in them. And he said to me: Prophesy to the spirit, prophesy, O son of man, and say to the spirit: Thus saith the Lord God: Come, spirit, from the four winds, and blow upon these slain, and let them live again. And I prophesied as he had commanded me: and the spirit came into them, and they lived: and they stood up upon their feet, an exceeding great army.

And he said to me: Son of man: All these bones are the house of Israel: they say: Our bones are dried up, and our hope is lost, and we are cut off. Therefore prophesy, and say to them: Thus saith the Lord God: Behold I will open your graves, and will bring you out of your sepulchres, O my people: and will bring you into the land of Israel. And you shall know that I am the Lord, when I shall have opened your sepulchres, and shall have brought you out of your graves, O my people: And shall have put my spirit in you, and you shall live, and I shall make you rest upon your own land: and you shall know that I the Lord have spoken, and done it, saith the Lord God:

In case you haven’t heard, James Cameron (director of “Titanic,” “Aliens,” and “The Terminator.”) has become a biblical scholar, archaeologist, and refuter of the Christian faith. He produced The Discovery Channel’s up-coming Lenten PR blast, “The Lost Tomb of Jesus.” The program argues that ten small caskets that were used to store bones, discovered in a suburb of Jerusalem in 1980, may have contained the bones of Jesus and his family.

The Discovery Channel’s paid researchers say the study of ancient DNA (yes, they actually have a cheek swab from Jesus, and I think they got a blood sample from the cross and/or the Shroud or Turin), the old-world language of Aramaic, archeology, and other evidence lends credible (public relations stunt) support to the fact that these remains belong to Jesus and his family, but also that Jesus and Mary Magdalene (also known as Mariamena) were married and had a child named Judah (all believed to be the remains found in the tomb).

A nay-sayer, an actual biblical scholar who was interviewed in the documentary, says the film’s hypothesis holds little weight, but Cameron says his evidence is based on sound statistics. Oh yes, add statistician to the list above, and maybe potential Nobel Prize winner.

Christian Newswire in Ten Reasons Why The Jesus Tomb Claim is Bogus states:

“Unfortunately, this is a story full of holes, conjectures and problems,” said Dr. Ben Witherington, author of What Have They Done With Jesus? and New Testament professor at Asbury Theological Seminary. “It will make good TV and involves a bad critical reading of history. Basically, this is old news with a new interpretation. We have known about this tomb since it was discovered in 1980. There are all sorts of reasons to see this as much ado about nothing much.”

Witherington and other leading biblical scholars and archaeologists say there are at least 10 reasons why the “Jesus Tomb” claim is completely bogus:

  1. There is no DNA evidence that this is the historical Jesus of Nazareth
  2. The statistical analysis is untrustworthy
  3. The name “Jesus” was a popular name in the first century, appearing in 98 other tombs and on 21 other ossuaries
  4. There is no historical evidence that Jesus was ever married or had a child
  5. The earliest followers of Jesus never called him “Jesus, son of Joseph”
  6. It is highly unlikely that Joseph, who died earlier in Galilee, was buried in Jerusalem, since the historical record connects him only to Nazareth or Bethlehem
  7. The Talipot tomb and ossuaries are such that they would have belonged to a rich family, which does not match the historical record for Jesus
  8. Fourth-century church historian Eusebius makes quite clear that the body of James, the brother of Jesus, was buried alone near the temple mount and that his tomb was visited in the early centuries, making very unlikely that the Talipot tomb was Jesus’ “family tomb”
  9. The two Mary ossuaries do not mention anyone from Migdal, but simply has the name Mary, one of the most common of all ancient Jewish female names
  10. By all ancient accounts, the tomb of Jesus was empty, making it highly unlikely that it was moved to another tomb, decayed for one year’s time, and then the bones put in an ossuary

“In light of all the incredible number of problems with the recent claim that Jesus’ grave has been found, the time-honored, multi-faceted evidence for the bodily resurrection of Jesus is more convincing than ever,” said Dr. Gary Habermas, an expert on the resurrection of Jesus and author of The Case for the Resurrection. “Even the early opponents of the Christian message acknowledged that Jesus’ tomb was empty. And the evidence for Jesus’ bodily resurrection appearances has never been refuted.”

As with the hoax over the bones of St. James, skepticism is in order on the part of the larger public.

People of faith are not fooled of course. We’ve come to expect such things and have vast experience of them over the past 2,000+ years. Faith trumps Hollywood directors who have been relegated to the backwaters of the Discovery Channel.

For those interested, Mr. Cameron will soon be raising funds by selling relics of Yeshua Ben Yosef at your local Discovery Channel Store. I may stop by the one in Crossgates Mall to pre-order my ‘Bones of Jesus’ play set.

For those interested (like the media should be…) here are a few folks who actually know what they are talking about (also from Christian Newswire):

Dr. Paul Maier, Bible scholar and author of more than 15 books including The Da Vinci Code —“ Fact or Fiction?, More Than a Skeleton and Josephus —“ The Essential Works. Professor of Ancient History, Western Michigan University, Kalamazoo, Michigan.
Telephone: (269) 387-4816

Joe Zias, Thirty years professional experience in the field of Medical/Physical anthropology; Over 80 articles in peer reviewed medical and scientific journals; Science and Archeology Group at Hebrew University. Former senior curator of Archeology and Anthropology at the Israel Antiquities Authority for which he was responsible for the curation of the antiquities stored in the Israel Antiquities Authority, ranging from the Pre-historic periods up to the 18th Century AD. These objects, numbering over 75,000, included the Dead Sea Scrolls, pre-historic human skeletal remains as well as artifacts from the regions premier archaeological sites such as Jericho, Megiddo, and Gezer.
Telephone: 972-2-588-2811 Hebrew University (from United States first dial 011)

Dr. Amos Kloner, Officially oversaw the work at the tomb in 1980 and has published detailed findings on its contents. Professor, Department of Land of Israel Studies, Bar-Ilan University, Jerusalem, Israel
Telephone: 972-3-531-7283 (from United States first dial 011)

…and in conclusion:

Dem bones, dem bones gon-na walk a-roun’
Dem bones, dem bones gon-na walk a-roun’
Dem bones, dem bones gonna walk aroun’
Oh hear the word of the Lord

Current Events, Political, ,

Miscellaneous

Just getting caught-up.

The snow

Being a native Buffalonian, I can say that the great storm that hit Albany was a biggie. Not insurmountable, but big.

In a way, I was glad to see it. It makes the winter seem normal. Now everyone can relax and forget about global warming, at least until the Atlantic Ocean borders on Dutchess County.

I got to work Wednesday morning without much of a problem. I commented to my secretary that it was just like driving on Sunday morning – the roads were empty.

Getting back home was not much of a problem either, except for the fact that the swell guys who plow our lots plowed everyone in. I used a garbage pail someone kindly left in the lot to dig out. A little diggin’, a little rockin’, no problem. I passed the pail on to the drivers next to me.

One person in a pickup with a plow just kept driving through the lot. I guess he expected people to hold up $20 bills. I gave him something better, a prayer.

When I got home I had quite the climb, just to get in my driveway. I’m 6’2″ and the snow at the end of the driveway was up to my shoulders.

After dinner I got to the task of snow blowing. Found out that I only had one tank of gas in the snow blower. That took care of half the driveway. I took a quick run over to the local Mobil for a fill-up, got back, and finished the job. A beer, some Smokehouse Almonds, and a little American Idol and all was well…

Tim Hardaway to blog for John Edwards?

Basketball retiree Tim Hardaway went on a tirade against homosexuals today (see Hardaway Banished for Anti-Gay Tirade), confusing these folks homosexuality with their humanity, basically saying I hate their homosexuality therefore I hate them.

Mr. Hardaway may receive inquiries from Presidential candidate John Edwards. He needs a new blogger because his team of anti-Catholic bloggers quit (see Second John Edwards Staffer Resigns Over Attacking Catholics on Abortion).

I can see John Edwards saying the following of Mr. Hardaway, can’t you?

The tone and the sentiment of some of Amanda Marcotte’s and Melissa McEwan’s posts [Mr. Hardaway’s statements] personally offended me. It’s not how I talk to people, and it’s not how I expect the people who work for me to talk to people. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but that kind of intolerant language will not be permitted from anyone on my campaign, whether it’s intended as satire, humor, or anything else. But I also believe in giving everyone a fair shake.

Fair shake – but only for protected hate speech.

The Apostle Paul and Computers

Check out The Apostle Paul and Computers from blogger Richard Brown in Cornwall, UK.

Some pretty fair humor. I like items 5 & 6 the best:

6. Book boat tickets using Priceline.com.
5. E-mail pictures of Peter eating pork to the gang back in Jerusalem.