Every Wednesday evening we hold Holy Mass, Exposition, a Novena to Our Lady of Czestochowa, and Benediction. The Holy Mass is attended by a small group of regulars who each have their own reasons for needing this time aside with the Lord.
Last night I paused to wonder about all that goes on in a parish community, at a diocesan level, and in the lives of the clergy. I wondered about some of my experiences as a young altar boy. Some clergy just didn’t seem ‘into’ the Holy Mass. Many did, they were devout and faithful, but for some the emphasis fell on politics (internal and external), their personal proclivities, or on business. Their nose was leading them elsewhere.
As I stand before the altar in my role as deacon —“ called to be an exemplar of holy service, I am still amazed, in awe, overcome by God’s infinite mercy.
He allows me to stand there, clumsy and awkward as I am. He allows me to hold His body and blood in my hands. I just want to scream out —“ look, this is Jesus, this is God, here for us. My own weakness grieves me in light of His great love and mercy.
When I enter Church I do not head for the sacristy or office. I stand there in front of the tabernacle, just to say thank you. Thank you for allowing me to come here and serve once again.
Will I loose it someday? Will my nose lead elsewhere? I pray not.
Michael Kwatera in his book The Liturgical Ministry of Deacons begins with a discussion of St. Lawrence’s glorious martyrdom. He says:
On the third day Lawrence made good on his promise: he gathered a great number of the city’s poor and placed them in rows: the elderly, the blind, the lame, lepers, orphans, widows. Then, instead of handing over silver and gold, Lawrence presented these lowly ones to the eyes of the greedy official: “Here are the true treasures of the Church.” This bold affirmation of their surpassing Christian dignity, which came easily from a man who had faithfully ministered the Lord’s Blood and the Lord’s charity to them, won him a painful but glorious death on the gridiron. St. Augustine linked Lawrence’s self-sacrifice in martyrdom with his self-giving in the Eucharist:
Lawrence, as you have heard, fulfilled the office of deacon in the church of Rome. There he ministered the sacred Blood of Christ; there he poured out his own blood for the sake of Christ. . . . The holy apostle John has clearly revealed the mystery of the Lord’s Supper by telling us: “As Christ laid down his life for us, so we must lay down our lives for our brothers.” St. Lawrence grasped that teaching; he understood it and practiced it. In a word, what he received at that table, he prepared to fulfill in himself. He loved Christ during life and imitated him in death.,’
The story of St. Lawrence shows that the liturgical ministry of deacons ideally was a seal they placed on their other duties.
All I want to say is this: Please, Lord Jesus, keep me firmly planted in the Holy Mass. Grant that from the Holy Sacrifice of the Altar, Your grace may flow into my heart, that it might fill me, so that Your glory may be seen through the work you have called me to do. Amen.